Posted on December 7, 2013 at 11:18 pm

If That’s What It Is

ARCHIE
If that’s what it is,
Then that’s what it is.
You’re probably right to just forget it.
Let’s face it, you’ve worked so hard,
And now you’re scarred
And free of any hope.
I guess you should mope.
Forget what you planned.
Hey, I understand.

If that’s what it is,
Then that’s what it is.
Though that’s not the way I choose to see it.
I have my own view that works
With all these jerks
And unenlightened fools.
I make my own rules.
I do what I can.
If I hit the wall,
Well, maybe it’s all just part of the plan.
Tomorrow will come,
Today will be gone:
And so I put one foot in front of the other,
One foot in front of the other
And just keep walking on.

PATRICE
If that’s what it is,

ARCHIE
If that’s what it is,

PATRICE
What also is true

ARCHIE
What also is true

BOTH 
Is it may not always be disaster.

PATRICE
I realize that now it is,
But how it is
Isn’t how it’s got to be.
Another day comes,
Another day goes,
And if I get teased or hurt
Or lied to or punched in the nose,
I say “I won’t cry,”
I cry until dawn,
And then I put one foot in front of the other

PATRICE & ARCHIE
One foot in front of the other

PATRICE
And just keep walking on.

EVAN
I’m becoming a man.
Maybe all that it means is I face
The world for what
It is and not
What I wish it would be.
I’m becoming a man.
Watching everything fall into place,
I swing, I miss;
I’ll get through this,
I almost guarantee.

One day I’ll be thirty,
One day I’ll be fine,
One day I’ll make fun of this dramatic life of mine.
One day I’ll be older
And then I’ll write a book
About the choices that I made…

PATRICE
The choices that you made…

EVAN
And the chances that I took.

PATRICE
The chances that you…

EVAN leans in and kisses PATRICE.  Just as abruptly, HE stops.  Neither of them knows what they think about it.  Then THEY both smile.  ARCHIE watches, rolls his eyes, and sings:

ARCHIE
If that’s what it is,
Then that’s what it is.
At least until Disney can rewrite it.
We put on our shoes and socks
And take the knocks
And wish that it would change…

PATRICE
And maybe it will.

EVAN
And maybe it can.

ARCHIE
Until then, you trust
That all this is just “becoming a man.”

PATRICE
You take your best shot…

ALL THREE
‘Cause look what you/I got!

PATRICE 
Go on and put one foot in front of the other.

EVAN
One foot in front of the other.

ARCHIE
One foot in front of the other,

EVAN
One foot in front of the other,

ARCHIE
The crip, the geek, the Jew and his mother…

PATRICE
And just keep walking on.

PATRICE helps EVAN puts on his suit and kipah. SHE and ARCHIE stand to the side watching EVAN read his haftorah. We are in the temple at Evan’s bar mitzvah.

EVAN
Koh-amar ha’El Adoshem bore hashamayim venoteyhem
Roka ha’arets vetse’etsa’eyha noten
Neshamah la’am aleyha veruach laholechim bah.