Posted on February 5, 2014 at 9:19 pm

I Could Be In Love With Someone Like You

My first crush on an Irish girl,
I was ten years old
And her name was Elaine.
Little red-head girl;
Well, she looked like you,
But if you were ten.
Which you’re clearly not.
Not that you look old,
But you get my…
I’ll just stop now.

Okay, wait, ‘cause I had a point –
No, I swear I did!
Well, I think I did,
Which is all my life
(Or since I was ten)
I have had a yen
For an Irish lass.
Because God knows why,
Like the ancient curse
Of the shiksa queens.

Do I talk too much?

Which is not to say
That I’d want Elaine,
Who turned out to be
(When I last checked in)
A Republican
And a parapsychologist.

If you’ve got a four-leaf clover,
You can make my dreams come true.
I will be your Hebrew slave:
Just do the things that Irish girls do.
Talk about potato famines,
I begin to cry on cue!
Sing about the Emerald Isle and
Get your Irish eyes to smilin’ –
I could be in love with someone like you.

I just left a relationship
With a lovely girl
Named Alyssa Levine.
She was really great,
It was all my fault –
I just got upset
‘Cause she slept with my brother.

So I made a vow
Not to get caught up
In the dating scene
Or the whole routine
With the cousin’s friend
Or the who-knows-what,
Like I need that shit.
I’ve got marks to make,
I’ve got steps to climb,
It’s the perfect time!
I’ve got books to write,
I’ve got things to do –
I go out my door
And bump into you,
And the jig is up,
And my vow is through!
I don’t know what I’m doin’,
But come in and ruin me!

I will write my own “Ulysses”
If you’re there to show me how.
Take me back to Glocca Morra,
Bathe me in the River Shannon now.
If you’ll be Mrs. O’Leary,
Baby, I will be your cow.
I’ll deliver shamrocks daily,
Buy your pa a new shillelagh,
I could be in love with someone like…

You could be my inspiration
And get me past this block,
And walk me through the Great Unknown.
You could be my true salvation,
Unchain me from this rock,
And keep me from being alone,
‘Cause I’m no good at being alone!

Take me to another level!
Let me play in bigger halls!
I will do a Riverdance
As long as you keep answering my calls!
Get me out of my apartment!
Keep me from my empty walls!
Someone hire John McCormack!
Start the Wearing of the Green!
Let me win the Irish Sweepstakes!
Let me take you home, Kathleen!
I can be in love with someone!
I can be in love with someone!
I can be in love with
Someone
Like you!