Jason Robert Brown

Posted on December 7, 2013 at 9:09 pm

Get Me What I Need

ARCHIE
There’s the cool kids –
There’s the preps
And there’s the skate punks
And the jocks –
And then there’s me.

There’s the losers –
There’s the nerds
And there’s the stoners
And the Goths –
And then there’s me.

But then there’s you!
‘Cause you’re the new kid in the school,
You’re not defined by one specific breed,
And so you’re free to flit from group to group,
from scene to scene,
‘Cause you’re the conduit, the medium, the go-between,
Which means you’re perfectly positioned to
Get me what I need!

School Bell.  BRETT runs onstage backwards, going out for a pass –

ARCHIE
They don’t like me.
Even back before the crutches,
It was clear,
I don’t fit here.
So it’s hopeless,
I can’t walk right up to Kendra and say “Hey.”
She’d run away.
But look at you!
You’re making friends and having parties
And adapting with impressive speed!
Just twenty minutes when we’re sitting
so our knees could touch –
Yes, it’s a tiny inconvenience but it means so much!
‘Cause out of all of Indiana, you can get me what I need!

EVAN
It’s impossible!

ARCHIE
And what I need is Kendra!

The set breaks apart to reveal ARCHIE’S vision of KENDRA, the idealized fantasy cheerleader goddess, surrounded perhaps by a host of angels.

ARCHIE
Beautiful Kendra!

Wonderful Kendra!
Make her appear!

ARCHIE & BOYS 
If you want a girl,
The girl you want is

ARCHIE
Kendra!

Very hot Kendra!

Go tell Kendra
I’m waiting here!

The fantasy KENDRA disappears as the set reassembles, with ARCHIE trying to catch up to her.

Here’s the problem:
Every minute, every second that I wait
Might be too late.
So let’s face it:
If I ever had a chance, the time is now.
So who cares how?

Just do your best,
And I won’t bother you again,
And that’s a promise, guaranteed!
So you can help me out and we can both do very well,
Or I can turn around and make your life a living hell!
It’s up to you, you’ve got a choice, you’ve got incentive
to succeed!
Yes, I know it sounds insane.
Jerry Lewis can explain!
You’ve got to help me, Evan,
Help me, Evan,
Help me, Evan,
Help me, Evan!
Get me what I

He takes a huge breath and proceeds to hold the next word for as long as possible:

Need!

EVAN (desperate to shut him up)
I’ll try!

ARCHIE
I knew you would.