Jason Robert Brown

Posted on December 7, 2013 at 7:58 pm

13/Becoming a Man

Drums. EVAN GOLDMAN, a twelve-and-a-half-year-old Jewish boy from New York City, enters and addresses the audience.

EVAN
Picture me:
Just another cool kid in N.Y.C.,
Near the Park and the Met.
Life is sweet:
Yankees in the Bronx, pretzels on the street –
Just how good can it get?
Who’d have guessed
Dad would meet a stewardess?
Mom’s depressed,
And her lawyers are mean.
Now I’m stressed –
Life is a disaster
And I’m cracking from the strain,
Going totally insane,
And I’m just about to turn,
Just about to turn,
Just about to turn…

Enter a group of New York City TEENAGERS, all romping through the city on a summer afternoon.

EVAN and KIDS
Thirteen!

EVAN
Everything switches…

KIDS
Thirteen!

EVAN
Everything turns around.
End up in stitches,
Hide away underground.
Can I get through it?
Life has changed overnight!
How do i do it?
Nothing is going right!

EVAN and KIDS
The best and the worst
And the most and the least
And the crazy and the scary
And I’m standing on the edge!

EVAN steps forward to talk to the audience.

EVAN
My name is Evan Goldman. I live at 224 West 92^nd Street, in the heart of Manhattan, and my life just went to hell.  You wanna talk about turning 13?  It’s a nightmare.  First of all, my parents are splitting up.  Second of all…

He points to a pimple on his chin.

…can you see this?  What is THIS? What did I do to deserve that?  I’ve got one good thing happening this whole year: My Bar Mitzvah. The best party on the Upper West Side. The Jewish Super Bowl. I don’t care how much my parents hate each other. They’d better pull it together and make sure everything about this party is absolutely, positively, for once, please God, perfect!

Twelve years old –
Everything that used to be good as gold
Starts to crumble and crack.

EVAN & TWO BOYS  (SIMON, RICHIE ACTORS)
Pressure mounts:
Once it was a joke, now it really counts
And there’s no turning back.

add TWO GIRLS (CASSIE, CHARLOTTE ACTORS)
Life goes wrong.

ONE BOY (RICHIE ACTOR)
Suddenly they’re yelling ‘cause your hair’s too long

ONE GIRL (CASSIE ACTOR)
Or your room isn’t clean.

ALL FIVE
Roll along:

EVAN
Every conversation is another lost cause
Or a list of my flaws
And I’m just about to turn,

MORE KIDS  (RICHIE, CHARLOTTE, SIMON, 
KENDRA CASSIE ACTORS)
Just about to turn,

MORE KIDS (MALCOLM, ARCHIE, MOLLY ACTORS)
God, I’m gonna turn

ALL
Thirteen!

BOY (RICHIE ACTOR)
I want a dirt bike!

KIDS
Thirteen!

GIRL (LUCY ACTOR)
I want to kill my ma.

KIDS
Thirteen!

BOY (EDDIE ACTOR)
I want a mustache!

KIDS
Thirteen!

GIRL (CASSIE ACTOR)
I want a WonderBra!

KIDS

Thirteen!
Thirteen!
Thirteen!
Thirteen!

 

ALL
Why is the world feeling suddenly stranger?
Why are my friends acting totally weird?
Why do I feel like my life is in danger?
Why do I feel like my brain disappeared?

GIRL (MOLLY ACTOR)
How will I get through a year of Spanish?

BOY (SIMON ACTOR)
How can I not look dumb in Track?

BOY (BRETT ACTOR)
How can I gain twenty pounds by Friday?

BOY (MALCOLM ACTOR)
How can I make my voice not crack?

ALL
I wanna fly, wanna run, wanna drive,

Kendra, Simon, Richie, Charlotte actors
Wanna get rich,

Brett, Lucy, Malcolm, Molly actors
Wanna get drunk,

Cassie, Evan, Patrice, Eddie actors
Wanna get out!

Kendra, Simon, Richie, Charlotte actors
Wanna get my braces off,

Brett, Lucy, Malcolm, Molly actors
wanna get my nose pierced,

Cassie, Evan, Patrice, Eddie actors
wanna grow my hair long,

ALL
But all I keep hearing is:
“No, you’re not ready!”
“No, it’s not time yet!”
“No, it’s not right now!”
“Wait until you’re older!”

“No, you’re not ready!”
“No, it’s not time yet!”
“No, it’s not right now!”
“Wait until you’re older!”

“No, you’re not ready!”
“No, it’s not time yet!”
“No, it’s not right now!”
“Wait until you’re older!”

THREE KIDS  (Evan, Brett, Molly Actors)
“Homework!”

THREE OTHER KIDS (Eddie, Patrice, Charlotte actors)
“Laundry!”

THREE MORE KIDS  (Kendra, Malcolm, Kendra actors)
“Dishes!”

THREE OTHER KIDS (Lucy, Simon, Richie actors)
“Courses!”

ALL
“Just settle down and hold your horses!”

Guitar solo and dance.  The KIDS’ energy fills the stage. As they finish, A RABBI, fully decked out in furry hat and peyes, crosses the stage and recites EVAN’s haftorah as he goes.  Everyone watches with a kind of awe. 

RABBI
Koh-amar ha’El Adoshem bore hashamayim venoteyhem
Roka ha’arets…

The RABBI disappears and EVAN moves to center.

EVAN 
I’m becoming a man.
I don’t know what “a man” really means.
The rulebook grows,
But no one knows
What all the rules allow.

I’m becoming a man.
No one tells all us scared in-betweens
Just how we should
Be strong, be good,
With so much pressure now!

One day it gets better –
One day it makes sense.
One day I’ll stop talking in the friggin’ future tense.
One day in October,
It’ll all be great!
And I can’t wait!
I can’t wait!
I can’t wait!

GIRL (KENDRA ACTOR)(to EVAN)
I can’t wait to come to your party!

ANOTHER GIRL (LUCY ACTOR)
I can’t wait to come to your party!

The KIDS begin overlapping.

TWO BOYS (SIMON, RICHIE ACTORS)
I can’t wait to come to your party!

TWO KIDS (EDDIE, CHARLOTTE ACTORS)
I can’t wait to come to your party!

THREE KIDS (ARCHIE, MOLLY, MALCOLM ACTORS)
I can’t wait to come to your party!

THREE KIDS (BRETT, KENDRA, LUCY ACTORS)
I can’t wait to come to your party! party!

THREE KIDS (RICHIE, CASSIE, PATRICE ACTORS)
…party!  I can’t wait to come to your party!

THREE KIDS  (EDDIE, MOLLY, MALCOLM ACTORS)
I can’t wait, your party!

A drum solo. The KIDS turn to the audience.

ALL THE KIDS
I can’t wait!  I can’t wait!
Can’t wait,
Can’t wait,
Can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait for

ONE GROUP

Thirteen!
Thirteen!
Thirteen!
Thirteen!

ALL
Thirteen!

CASSIE ACTOR does a scat solo.

Thirteen!

EDDIE ACTOR responds with a scat solo.

Thirteen!

MALCOLM ACTOR does a scat solo.

Thirteen!

CHARLOTTE ACTOR does a scat solo.

The best and the worst
And the most and the least
And the crazy and the scary
And we’re just about to turn
Thirteen!