Posted on December 7, 2013 at 9:37 pm

All Hail The Brain

KIDS (whispering, contrapuntally)
Brain’s gonna do it!
Brain’s gonna do it!
Friday night, the Brain’s gonna do it!
Friday night, we go to the mall
And Brain’s gonna get us into the movie!
Gonna go see “The Bloodmaster”!
Friday night, “The Bloodmaster”!
Friday night, Friday night!
Brain’s gonna do it!
Brain’s gonna do it!

EVAN (a sudden inspiration)
I have a plan.
I have a plan.
Possibly, I think I have a plan.
It’ll take a lot of work,
It’ll take a lot of luck,
But when it all comes through,
They’ll say:

“All Hail the Brain!
He does what no mere mortal can!
He’s the man!
Evan Goldman!

All Hail the Brain!
He did what no one else could do,
Saw us through,
Saved the day!”
And all I have to do is

Wait ‘til Mom goes to sleep,
Then sneak the license from the wallet in her purse,
Make a color Xerox, laminate it,
Then put the license back in the wallet in her purse,
Then find the dress she wore
In the picture on the license that I copied and I laminated.
Wear the dress,
Get a wig,
Show the license,
Buy the tickets…
What could go wrong?

As EVAN says, “What could go wrong?”, HE realizes just what a stupid plan this is.  In despair, HE listens to the KIDS passing more gossip along.

KIDS
Brett’s gonna do it!
Brett’s gonna do it!
Friday night, Brett’s gonna do it!
Friday night at “The Bloodmaster,”
Brett’s gonna do The Tongue with Kendra!
Friday night at the movie at the mall!
And Brain’s gonna get us in!

EVAN (at the last second, another inspiration)
I have a plan!
A better plan.
Actually, an almost-perfect plan.
It sounds absolutely nuts,
It’ll take a lot of guts,
But when it all comes through,
They’ll say:

“All Hail the Brain!
Give that Bar Mitzvah Boy a hand!
Ain’t he grand?
Ain’t he great!
And all I have to do is

Go that day to the movie theater,
Break  into the projection room,
Steal the reels of film for The Bloodmaster,
Take ‘em down the hall where they’re showing Bambi,
Switch the reels,
Leave the theater,
Tell the guys we’re gonna go see Bambi!

(again, the realization hits that this is a disastrous idea)

What could go wrong?

BRETT (to EVAN, surreptitiously) 
Hey, Brain, did you set up my date for Friday?

EVAN
Date?

BRETT
With Kendra!

EVAN (Eureka!)
Date!  Date!